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Socialization - Why Interaction Is So Difficult For The Autistic Child.... UPDATE: Make sure you read the section on FACE BLINDNESS as a potential problem in autism... and one that would certainly impact socialization issues! Another very characteristic trait of the autistic child is his inability to interact socially. Again, this is easily explain by my theory that the autistic child has an impairment that prevents him from properly processing "partialities" in life. If the child is unable to process "the whole" until every parts is labeled, then it stands to reason that parts to "socialization" would also have to be properly labeled before the child could "understand" the situation and begin to interact with others. Add to this the fact that the child has a "label" misunderstood by most, and indeed, socialization becomes a very difficult matter for the autistic child. Persons in society may "mean well", but for the most part, when I informed people that Zachary was autistic, almost 100% of the time, I got the typical: "Ohhhhhh". It is my belief that most people do not understand autism, yet, the "label of autism" produces a reaction that further complicates matters when it comes to socialization. These children are just "understood to be broken" by society - with no apparent explanation for so much of what we see in them. The task of socialization thus becomes even more complicated in that persons all about the autistic child almost "give up on him" before even giving him a chance. Very little is expected of the autistic child when it comes to socialization -but if only they knew! As with everything in the life of the autistic child, in my opinion, the key to success in coping with one's environment and daily life lies in labeling the parts to the whole. For example, until "people" are labeled as "a man, a woman, a child, a mom, a dad, a friend, a stranger, etc", the autistic child will continue to be unable to incorporate these persons into his world. They are simply "parts" that he does not understand and as such, almost chooses not to see. Again, not "looking at something" is, in my opinion, the autistic child's way of "dealing with what is not understood". Of course, the labeling of "parts" to what is involved in socialization usually begins with the description of people in a home or school environment via the use of computer programs, television shows, etc. However, in my opinion, it is critical that once these "parts" are labeled, the child be taken to an environment (such as a park) where the "labels" can be associated with actual people... where each type of person can be physically pointed out to the child to help in his comprehension. With children, it is probably alright to tell the autistic child that "strange children" are "friends". However, when it comes to adults, it is important to make sure that the concept of "stranger" is explained in a way that associates with it the concept of "danger". As children learn to associate more items in the physical world with certain concepts, such as the fact that "cars are dangerous", it then, in my opinion, should become much easier to generalize the concept of "danger" to people (i.e., strangers) also... and when the word "danger" is taught, it should always, in my opinion, be accompanied by the words: "stay away... " and perhaps also "stay with mom", "go see mom" or "call mom". This way, you can actually teach the child the appropriate response in the face of "danger". Thus, in my opinion, as with everything else in the life of the autistic child, the key to socialization surely must rest in labeling everything. In view of that, what are the "parts" to socialization that need to be labeled in order to promote this activity in the autistic child? For the autistic child, in my opinion, this labeling of "parts" is indeed much more complicated than most would think. The best way for me to explain this is by using the example of "going on a walk and simply acknowledging persons who go by". This seems simple enough... but, when it comes to what the autistic child must understand in order to accomplish this simple task, readers will see that this is no small task for the autistic child. The "task" of socialization - to simply go for a walk and acknowledge those the child sees on the street - begins the very moment the child leaves the house or his familiar environment. The autistic child learns to adapt somewhat to his home environment and his yard. These have within them "things" he has become familiar with... regardless of whether or not he understands them, the "things" in the autistic child's home and its immediate surroundings have somehow been accepted by the autistic child as "his world to be dealt with". It is this "world" he works so hard at understanding... at decoding... and slowly, he begins to do so as more and more labels are provided and the "code" to daily life is slowly broken. In leaving his familiar environment, however, the autistic child introduces new "parts" to "his world" that must now be understood... and if these "parts" are not understood, frustration will undoubtedly set in quickly. For the autistic child, the simple act of going for a walk and trying to acknowledge even one unfamiliar person while on that walk is a huge task. Socialization in and of itself if not the only issue here for the autistic child. All information being processed by the senses must also be defined as "parts to the whole". Thus, in going for a simple walk, the autistic child must understand each of the following "parts" for the "whole" (the world) to make sense: Visual input in the form of: a street, pavement, gravel, sand, mud, potholes, cracks, green leaves, brown leaves, grass, weeds, flowers of all kinds, trees, various plant types, posts, telephone wires, trash (pollution by the road), rocks, stones, cement, sidewalks, paint markings on streets, sewer drains, sewer covers, mailboxes, the writing on everything along the way, various buildings/structures, animals, bugs, anthills, lawn decorations, nuts, pet feces, cars, trucks, bikes, street lights/signs, persons and everything about those persons in terms of clothing, what they are doing, holding, etc., and anything else that provides "visual input" along with all variations (in terms of shape, size, color, etc.) within all these "things" in and of themselves. Auditory input in form of sounds from: car, truck or train sounds, wind, rustling of leaves, animal sounds, birds, crickets, people, etc. Olfactory (smell) input from: smell of plants, people, animals, etc. Touch input from: the sensation of various surfaces on the feet, hands, etc. as one walks or touches things along the way. In other words, in order for the autistic child to even begin to attempt to socialize, absolutely all input to his senses needs to be understood in terms of how the "parts" fit into the "whole"... how all these things "fit together" to form "an environment"... an environment that is so different from that the child knows best - his home. Given this, one can easily understand why, for some children, leaving the home is so very stressful! This simple activity of leaving the house introduces a whole new set of variables that the child must now "decode"... and until they are "decoded", these new variables will but only add to the child's frustration level. Again, as overwhelming as this seems, the key, in my opinion, is again quite simple and it lies in labeling EVERYTHING for the autistic child - to help him decode his world - to help him understand just how all the parts "fit together" to form a whole! Only once the "physical environment" is understood can the child then focus on specific things within that environment that "are not really 'part' of that environment"... those things can be there but may not be... such as people! It is important to note also that the environment itself also changes with time in terms of not only the objects within the environments themselves (i.e., cars there one day but gone the next) but also in terms of seasons, for example. The world in which the child lives is a constantly changing world, and as such, a constant potential source of frustration. Once the environment is defined, people themselves must then be defined in terms of who they are and what they are doing. Throw in there the inability of the child to process "sentence" parts and you indeed have for a very difficult situation for the autistic child to overcome. In my opinion, one of the best tools parents have in terms of “teaching socialization” is to make use of “role playing”. To actually role-play a “social situation” and provide for the child the appropriate response for certain basic situations should greatly help these children as role-playing provides for the autistic child a “reference point” for future use for similar situations and for autistic children, I truly believe “reference communication” is a key coping mechanism. In addition, the child must have an understanding of who "he is"... that is, to understand his name and how "he too" fits into the whole. That too, is a critical piece I believe has long been overlooked! Autistic children are often characterized by what has come to be known as the "deaf child" syndrome. The theory of issues with "partialities" also explains the "deaf child" syndrome. The "deaf child" refers to the fact that an autistic child can be called by his name over 50 times and still not respond. It is as if he doesn't hear the parent at all. Yet, when tested for hearing, everything shows up fine. This happened with Zachary as well. Again, if you think about it, until "Zachary" has been labeled as "Zachary", he had no idea what that "sound" means no matter how many times he hears it. Human voices are all about. Autistic children, in my opinion, have come to accept human voices as "background noise" and so to hear someone calling out: "Zachary" would be no different than that person calling out "chair". To the autistic child, I believe, the human voice is something he has accepted as part of everyday life. However, when Zachary was made to understand that "his name" was Zachary, then, he responded. Again, it had been simply a matter of labeling HIM as an entity as well. To teach him his name, I simply said: "What's your name?" and answered: "your name is Zachary". I did this over and over until he grasped the concept of name. It did not take long for him to understand... especially since I showed him how "my name was mommy", how "his sister's name" was Anika, how the "dog's name" was Patches and so on. He had heard all family members use these names... and so, showing him the names of others around him helped him to grasp the concept that he, too, had a name. As he finally understood the concept of a name, he would laugh as he said his name was "Zachary Patches" instead of "Zachary Brohart". He knew this "got a response" from mom and to him, that was funny. But, finally, I knew he understood the concept. Once he grasped that, I taught him how to write and say his full name. He finally knew "HIS LABEL" and could easily respond when called.... and finally, "my deaf child" was gone! You obviously need to "get rid of the deaf child" for socialization to occur. So, getting rid of the "deaf child" by actually making the child understand the concept of "his name" and "who he is", in my opinion, the very first step necessary to socialization. After the child himself is labeled, family members can quickly be labeled. If the child has no siblings, the concept may be explained by "using children from another family"... or through videos, pictures, etc. Obviously, siblings help a great deal in understanding "family labels" in terms of "brother and sister". "Mommy" and "daddy" were the easiest to teach. I simply put my hand on my chest and repeated: "I'm mommy" and pointed to my husband and said: "that's daddy". When it comes to "grandparents", I found the best way to teach that association was to label the grandparent first as "mommy's daddy" or "mommy's mommy"... or for me to actually put my arm around a grandparent and say the words... "daddy's mommy", etc. Then, the actual label of grandpa or grandma can be added down the road by simply saying "mommy's mommy is Zachary's grandma"... and that concept becomes easily accepted. Again, it is simply a matter of first "labeling the people and showing the association to the child within the family unit". The same concept can then be applied to aunts and uncles... by using terms like: "mommy's sister is Zachary's aunt" or "mommy's brother... is Zachary's uncle". I believe it is important to make use of the child's name when labeling others to show the child the relationship between those around him and himself. This will also help provide that sense of security and greater understanding of the concept of a family at the time "a family" needs to be labeled. The next thing that needs to be labeled is "the environment"... everything within it in terms of sensory input to sight, sound, smell, touch and taste. This involves teaching the child that "this thing we live in is a house", "this place where you play is a park", etc. and defining/labeling absolutely everything within each "environment" as much as possible. This concept is easy enough for the child to grasp. Simply taking a child to a park and showing him swings, slides, etc. will quickly solidify the concept of a "park". Next, persons within each environment should be defined as well as the "what you do" in each environment. For example, the child should be specifically told that you "play" at the park... and that "playing" involves going down slides, on swings, and talking to other children. To teach the concept of play, the parent need simply say something like: "let's go play on the swing" or "let's go play on the slide" or "let's go play with that little boy". Again, the idea is to teach the concept of play. Of course, the concept of work would be taught much in the same way... for perhaps the "school environment"... showing the child that "we work at school" or "we learn things at school"... and I suppose you could throw in "sometimes, we play at school" too. :o) For this example, however, I will continue with the concept of play... but, again, the same process of labeling everything - down to its most minute level - would be true for any environment. At first, labeling can be more general, however, in order to best help the child decode his world, in my opinion, labeling of persons, places, and things needs to be taken down it its most "basic levels" as quickly as possible. Once the concept of "we play at the park" has been solidified, the next step would, in my opinion, be to label the "other parts" in the park... those things that are not part of the park itself... the other children... the "parts" not seen as belonging to the "whole" by the autistic child... and as such, these "parts" to the park are ignored. Children in a park must not only be labeled as "friends"... their names should be provided where possible. I would suggest always using "a friend's name" as opposed to simply saying: "go play with your friend". By introducing the children and saying: "This is Zachary" for example and asking the other child his name, then the autistic child can understand the concept that other people, unfamiliar children have names or labels, too. This helps solidify the concept that "everything has a label" and hopefully, the child will soon begin to ask for that label. Perhaps always asking the child: "what is this?" and providing the answer for the question for the child is a way of getting him to understand the concept of "asking for a label" when one is needed. For example, in showing something new to Zachary, I could say: "Zachary, say: "what is this"?" and as him to literally ask the question himself. By then providing the answer, I can show Zachary the concept that he can "ask for help" by using this question to help him "decode his world" when he needs to be provided with a label. Another way of moving toward this is for me to say to Zachary for example: "Zachary, when you don't know... always say: "what's this?". THIS, IN MY OPINION, IS A MAJOR KEY TO HELPING THESE CHILDREN - TO ACTUALLY TRAIN THE CHILD TO "ASK FOR THE LABELS" HE NEEDS BY HIMSELF BY TEACHING HIM TO ASK: "WHAT IS THIS?". To teach the concept of "who not to play with", perhaps all that is needed is to label "the size" of children and emphasize to the child that kids that are either "too big or too small" are not those he wants to play with. Those children that are "good prospects" should be labeled as "just right" or "perfect" in size and demeanor. There are definitely children you may not want your child playing with... those who are too aggressive, etc. The same concept applies in labeling children as "not nice ". I know it may sound terrible to "label" other children as "not nice", but, I don't know at this time how else to teach this concept to the child... and yes, I do realize that this is a "negative label" to put on another child... but "not nice" is still better than "bad kids" for example. This is one I admit I do still struggle with, but, I once saw another child punch my son very hard at the park... a child of about 8 punching a 4-year old who is autistic. Needless to say, I was more than a little upset. This particular child had simply wanted to "be mean". Zachary had done nothing to incite his wrath. So, yes, some children simply aren't "nice" and that is something Zachary needs to understand because there is a very real lesson of life in that too! :o) I just find that for autistic children, labeling someone as "not a friend" may get a little too involved at this point... in terms of defining what "makes someone a friend" and what "makes someone not a friend"... so, I'll opt for the easier label of "not nice kid" at this time in order not to have to explain "why" someone isn't a friend. :o) Of course, parents can come up with whatever "label" they think would work best for their child. Labeling a child as "too big" or "too small" works well... it is really only for the labeling of age appropriate children who are "not nice" that this becomes an issue. :o) I guess you could always teach the concept of "change" to show your child that people "change" later on and that way, you could then "remove the label" from the child who is "not nice" later on and have that be more easily accepted by your autistic child in the sense that you would not be introducing confusion by labeling a "once not nice child", now good. Anyway, I'm sure you get the idea as to what it is I'm trying to say when it comes to the labeling of children. :o) The next label should be that of "asking permission" to play with another child. For example, showing the child how to say: "Can I play with that boy?" and showing him the difference produced by a "yes" and a "no". For a yes, the next step would involve walking up to the other child and introducing your child and asking the other child his name. For a no, the next step would involve taking your child and walking away... to the car for example, perhaps saying: "it's time to go home... let's go"... or "it's time to go eat", or "it's time to go have a drink"... just a few words to take the child's mind off his desire to stay behind at the park. If things get difficult, counting steps to the car is another good coping mechanism. There are many things parents can think of that work... it just takes a little practice! :o) If a child is allowed to go play, then the next label, after introductions, would be to label the activity... i.e., playing in the sand, etc. Of course, here, the concepts of sharing and "your turn" would be great things to have. In my opinion, these need to be taught prior to attempting playing at the park. You can teach "sharing" by sharing food... remember, however, that you will have to "label" the piles as "mommy's food" and "the child's food" since the whole concept of sharing, by definition, is one of CREATING "partiality" ... the very issue autistic children have problems with since sharing involves taking a part from the whole and giving it to someone else - something that will surely create stress for many autistic children. The concept of "your turn" and "my turn" is an easy enough one to teach - with throwing a ball for example. Another important concept for socialization is that of "no fighting", or "get along"... again, another fairly easy one to teach if the child has siblings or cousins to work with on this particular "label". Of course, as children start to interact, at first, there will no doubt be stressful moments for the autistic child. As a result, "cousins" may be a good place to start since family members would more likely be willing to help and more tolerant of the autistic child. In my opinion, it is also important to explain to other children that the autistic child's brain works differently, and that he has a very hard time sharing and playing with other children... not because he does not want to but rather because his brain works in a way that stops him from doing certain things. It is amazing how much that can "motivate" other children to help with the "interaction process". This is not something I've had the opportunity to work with a great deal since I live at least 6 hours from my nearest family members, but, I have seen how during visits, Zachary's cousins do really try to play with him even if he shows little interest simply because I explained to them that he was a "little different". Overall, I found other children to show great compassion, caring and willingness to help when it was explained to them that Zachary's brain simply worked a little differently because he had "autism". I have yet to label a lot of things for Zachary when it comes to socialization because so much of this, I myself, came to understand only a short while ago. :o) But, given the importance of labels in everything else in the autistic child, I'm sure this approach would certainly help. I find it very important to constantly reinforce Zachary with a "good job playing with..." when trying to address socialization issues. It's a small thing, but, to him, it means a lot. :o) Lately, I've found that if Zachary gets "out of hand" in this area, a simple: "do you want to go to bed?" helps a lot too since he will do almost anything to "stay up". :o) I stumbled upon his absolute hate of "going to bed" during the day when I gave him his first "time out" ever in early August of 2002. Zachary had been particularly stressed that did and he did something he only rarely did... he started to bite. Biting was quite rare for Zachary now, and usually, when it did occur, Zachary bit himself as opposed to others. There were a few times in the past where he had bitten his sister... but he had never bitten me - until that morning! By this time, I had figured out that "biting" was a coping mechanism for Zachary - just one of his many ways to deal with stress. I thus brought him to his room and told him to say on his bed, laying down on his back. On 3 or 4 occasions he came out of his room. I had never done this before. Each time, I brought him back and sternly told him to "stay there because you can't bite mom". Zachary, like most children, found that hour to be very long. I finally went back into his room and before I let him out I asked if he was going to bite again. When he responded "no", I let him get up. Now, I just have to "mention" going to bed during the day and Zachary perks up and listens right away. :o) There are, of course, many forms of interaction and communication. Children can simply play together and not speak and be perfectly fine. To get an autistic child to actually "converse" however, is a lot more involved. Since the autistic child has issues with perceiving "partialities" and sentences are made of "parts", to have actual social conversation would necessitate that the child be able to converse. For more on this, I refer all parents to the section on Teaching Language in the autistic child, as I believe, it should be taught - in a building blocks approach - from the ABCs to the understanding of sentence parts. Once everything is labeled for the autistic child... in terms of socialization and language acquisition, social interaction should, in my opinion, truly blossom. The simple fact is that with time, even autistic children will learn to cope and "play with others"... as with the passage of time, more is naturally labeled for them and they come to piece more together. The issue is to make the autistic child play with those of his/her age as opposed to say playing with children who are much younger because, age appropriate socialization is, after all, the goal. Thus, anything that parents can do to facilitate the attainment of this goal should be done... and that, primarily, will consist of helping the child "decode" his world! Society has a very long way to go in terms of truly understanding the autistic. This is especially true in situations that involve the need for police officers. I certainly respect the need for police officers to do their work and their need to do it safely. However, I hope that the information provided within these materials will help police officers in beginning to understand the autistic mind. Too often, in my opinion, there were news stories of parents trying to protect their autistic children, some of them adults, from persons who simply did not understand these children... and at times, that involved protecting them from police officers too... police officers who had never been trained in techniques that may be most valuable in dealing with the autistic. To those in law enforcement, I strongly recommend contacting the US Autism Ambassador, via her website, http:www.autismawakening.com, in order to obtain a packet of information geared specifically at the issue of "law enforcement and the autistic". This, in my opinion, was a valuable collation of information that could help all parties, first, better understand the autistic and second, better learn how to deal with aggression in the autistic. The treatment of the autistic by persons in law enforcement was, in my opinion, an area in which a great deal of work was still needed in order to help police officers help themselves in the performing of their duties, and in order to help serve and protect these very misunderstood individuals with autism and their families! As a final word of comfort to parents who are overly worried about issues of socialization in their child's development, let me say that although I realize socialization is important, I do believe society overemphasizes the importance of socialization. Quite frankly, personally, I'm perfectly fine with having a child who is a little less social than others - and perfectly fine with having a child who is not defined or who does not define himself in terms of his peers, because today, unfortunately, peer pressure is something that often leads to "more headaches" anyway. Socialization is important, yes, but it must be kept in perspective too. Our children have too much pressure to be the "most popular" child... and that is an additional pressure parents need not put on themselves nor on their children. :o) Finally, in closing, I want to also mention that since "socialization" involves a process, the concept of "bubble graphs" as discussed in my section on "Teaching Language" may also be of use in helping the autistic child understand social situations. Bubble graphs could be used to "break down the situation" into its component parts and then further analyze those parts, again, through the use of yet more "bubble graphs".
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